Last year (2022) was not a good year for me because I suffered with anxiety and depression for most of that year. I was on medication and also spent about three months as an in-patient in psychiatric facilities. This year I decided to try and beat my inner demon and live out my twilight years at peace with myself.

Because I am getting closer to the day of my departure from Planet Earth to begin my journey into the unknown, I thought the best way to prepare myself would be to try and get to know God.

I stress that, what is written here, are my own thoughts about God and also stress, I do not, in any way, disparage or belittle other people’s religious beliefs or convictions.  

My first thoughts about God were not who is God, but rather what is God? What is this supreme, invisible, almighty and all powerful being that can do whatever it wishes without worrying about the natural laws that apply to all other living things on planet Earth?  And, who stated God is male? Who gave God Earthly feudal society titles such as Lord and King of Kings?

The Biblical account of creation, states God created the Earth and the Garden of Eden. God then created Adam from the dust of the Earth and Eve from one of Adam’s ribs. God told Adam and Eve that everything in the garden is theirs to enjoy for all eternity except for the fruit of one tree (the tree of knowledge?) which God forbade them to eat.  

The biblical story then states Satan slithered into the garden in the form of a serpent and seduced Eve into eating the forbidden fruit. Eve then seduced Adam into eating the forbidden fruit.

God was so angry with Adam and Eve for disobeying the command not to eat the fruit, God declared they had transgressed and threw them out of the Garden of Eden. God also took away their immortality and declared all their descendants will be born mortal, be born into sin, suffer, age and die.

What I ask is this, did the Garden of Eden and tree of knowledge exist only in the mind of the person who wrote the story? Was the story written to represent Eve as the transgressor responsible for the suffering of man? If so, why? Did the author hate women?

I ask this, because in the Bible, Timothy writes, in part: A woman must learn quietness and full submissiveness: Do not permit a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man: For Adam was formed first and then Eve: It was not Adam who deceived but the woman who was deceived and fell into transgression.

Did these edicts come from God or from man? Wasn’t Adam just as guilty as Eve because he also transgressed and ate the forbidden fruit? 

I also wonder if God created Gardens of Eden on the continents of Australia, Asia, Africa, Europe, Russia, the Americas and the Indian sub-continent? If not, where did the indigenous populations of these places originate from? All those indigenous populations have different skin textures, statures, languages, cultures, food diets, clothing requirements, religious beliefs and observances. Are all these indigenous populations also considered to be born into sin?

I also have to ask how many thousands of those indigenous populations were slaughtered in the name of Jesus? And why has God done absolutely nothing to prevent natural disasters such as earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, tidal waves and other destructive weather events? And why is it that God does nothing to prevent man’s incessant territorial armed conflicts?

All these events cost the lives of millions of innocent people. Oops, I forgot, we are all born into sin so how can we be innocent? It would seem that, because of the sins of Adam and Eve, God has completely abandoned us and Planet Earth.

And why has this God of ours allowed women to be so maligned, abused and mistreated for thousands of years? Is it because Eve is portrayed as ‘the bad guy’ that sent humanity down the path of sin and self-destruction?

Here we are, in the year 2023 and women are still fighting for equality with men. Why? In my view, women are superior to men. After all, God needed a woman to bring Jesus into the world.  Therefore, I firmly believe that the day in the sun for women is not too far away. But unfortunately, I do not believe I will be here to see the day when women have total equality with men.

As for me, I believe I have not been a bad guy or deliberately harmed anyone during my life on Earth. I have always, to the best of my ability, obeyed the laws of the countries and communities I have had the privilege to reside in. I have also treated women with respect. Perhaps this is  because I had very close relationships with my mother and my sister, and no woman has ever harmed me. Also, when a woman has invited me to share her body, I have always believed it to be a privilege and a wonderful experience as well. What, on Earth, is sinful about that?

So why will God judge me as a sinner and consign me to an eternity in Hell?

I have been advised by a religious group that, if I accept God the Father, Jesus, the Son and The Holy Spirit (whatever that is) into my life, my immortal soul will spend eternity in Heaven instead of in the agony of the fires of Hell. I have also been advised that the second coming of Jesus is imminent, so I have very little time to repent and accept Jesus into my life. If I don’t do this, I will definitely go straight to Hell when I die.

I know of two preachers who claim to have visited Hell. One of those preachers claims he saw the agony on the faces of the sinners who, for all eternity, will get no respite from the flames. Another preacher who claims he visited Hell, states he saw men walking like dogs and heard demons singing Rihanna songs and would not wish this on his worst enemy.

But neither preacher claim to have recognized or identified any of the sinners they saw in Hell. Does this mean our immortal souls do not have an identity?  

But hang on, did not God make us all mortal because of the sins of Adam and Eve? If God did this, how can we have an immortal soul?

Therefore, I have to state, at this point in time, God and creation, as presented by religious dogmas do not resonate with me. So, instead of getting to know God, I now feel more alienated from the concept of an eternal life in Heaven or in Hell.

The only certainty I can see is, in the not-too-distant future, I will take my final breath.

Then, if there is a God, all may be revealed to me and because I have not repented, my immortal soul will suffer for all eternity in the fires of Hell. Or maybe I will simply be ashes to ashes, dust to dust and only exist in the hearts and minds of those who knew and loved me.

Either way, it is completely beyond my control, so I am not going to spend the time I have left worrying about the day of my departure.